Ladies, Form An Orderly Queue!

I truly wish that I could say that the man who forms the subject of this rhyming missive, is nothing more than a colourful character from my imagination. He isn’t. This man lives and breathes, and really does have all the characteristics I describe (OK, I exaggerated the wart), including the belief that all women are attracted to him. Despite my being heterosexual and married, I am apparently a lesbian, due to the fact that when, one Christmas, he asked if I would kiss him under the mistletoe, one too many glasses of prosecco caused me to honestly, but tactlessly respond, “I wouldn’t even kiss you under anaesthetic.” My bad!

Here’s a tale of a man I once knew,

A real God’s gift to women, through and through.

With a rotund beer belly the size of a keg,

Gout in his foot and a gammy leg,

And a wart on his chin the size of an egg,

Ladies, form an orderly queue!

He’d pick his nose when talking to you,

And claimed he’d sexually pleased more than a woman or two.

Fifty years old, still lives with his Mum,

Deodorant’s for wusses is his rule of thumb,

Yet believes to his charms all will succumb.

Ladies, form an orderly queue!

Don’t give him a smile, for he’ll just misconstrue,

And before you know it, he’ll be coming on to you.

With toast in his teeth and beer on his breath,

He tried to kiss my best friend, Beth,

Who told him she’d rather be put to death.

So ladies, form an orderly queue!



13 thoughts on “Ladies, Form An Orderly Queue!

  1. Pingback: undeniable and inexplicable order | eastelmhurst.a.go.go

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s