Attention ladies! Put down your cross-stitch patterns and leave those little crocheted dollies to one side. Remove your flowered aprons, take off your marigold gloves and listen to what I have to say. Your husbands will be home from work soon and will expect to have their dinner on the table, so it is vital you pay attention now so that I don’t have to repeat myself and thus make you late. Now, are you sitting comfortably? Good. I’m glad that you’re sitting down because this news is startling and will revolutionize our lives! Those clever men at BiC – you know, the pen company – have come up with a pen designed specifically for women! It’s called BiC For Her! I know! Isn’t it amazing?
BiC say that this is a “beautifully smooth ball pen designed specifically for women. The pink barrel has a great floral design that continues onto the metal cone. Super smooth Easy Glide ink and a cushioned grip make writing with this pen ultra comfortable.” And as if that were not enough, ladies, they go on to say that it is “designed to fit comfortably in a woman’s hand”. Well, I can tell you that I for one am thinking that it’s about time!
There have been so many occasions in the past when I have sat at my desk, all ready and eager to jot down a few writing ideas (I have to write things down, otherwise all the thoughts about puppies and little fluffy kittens push all other thoughts away, and I end up worrying my pretty little head about what it was I was doing), only to find that there are only man pens available. I have tried writing with these man pens, ladies. Believe me, oh! how I tried. But they felt so thick and masculine in my hand that it was all I could do not to fall into a swoon! I tried drinking a glass of fortified wine to steady my nerves, but to no avail. Eventually, I realised that the only thing I could do was to ask my husband to write things down for me.
However, thanks to BiC, I now have the autonomy to write down all my ideas myself. It has completely changed my life! For the first time I have a pen that fits into my delicate female hands, and thanks to the “Easy Glide ink” I don’t have to try too hard at all to make my words appear on the page. That being said, I cannot say that this remarkable invention is entirely without its drawbacks. One of the disadvantages is that it is a little expensive. The current price is £19:95 for a box of twelve. My husband was initially reluctant to allow me to spend so much at first, but after he did some research on something called the “internet”, he found that if any product is made in pink, it inevitably costs three times as much as it would do were it made in any other colour. So, he relented and ordered a box of these pens for me.
When they were delivered, I then encountered an unforeseen drawback. You see, naturally my husband was at work when the package was delivered, and not only did the delivery man only have a man pen with which I was to sign for the delivery (an arduous task in itself), but given that I am a woman and therefore weak and helpless, I simply found myself unable to carry an entire box of twelve pens into the house on my own. As eager as I was to try them, I was forced to leave the package on the step until my husband came home and have him carry it in for me. He’s so strong. Do you know he lifted that box of pens as if it weighed almost nothing?
I asked my husband if he thought it might be a good idea for me to write to BiC and ask them if they would consider making a range of paper designed just for us women, you know, so we might write even easier with our BiC For Her pens. After all, currently we only have man paper to write on. However, my husband thought that this might be thought of as far too radical, and so the matter was dropped.
I have, however, been forced to write to BiC in any event. For you see, yesterday, my husband accidentally picked up one of my lady pens and attempted to write something about tree-felling with it. His writing came out all flowing and effeminate, and he dropped the pen as if it were made of hot lava, and began examining his hands as if they were not his own. He then looked at the window and muttered something about getting “lavender drapes” and then ran and locked himself in the bedroom. When I asked him what he was doing, he said he was “listening to Barbra Streisand, looking at kittens and finding cupcake recipes”. So I have written to BiC to ask if they have an ultra masculine pen that I might be able to buy to counteract my lady pen effects.
All in all though, though this has been a positive experience and for all you lovely ladies out there, I can highly recommend you buying this product. Please though, be sure to keep them out of reach of your menfolk !