I have often thought that their is a rich vein of craziness and humour running through my family. I thought this again quite recently, as I began to compile some of the funny things that I have overheard during family conversations. I realised that a great many of them came from the mouth of my six-year-old great-niece, Lyra; in fact, she’s said so many innocently wonderful, crazy and funny things, that we now call such sentences “Lyra-isms”. Here are just a few of them.
Charlotte – Lyra’s mum – was talking to Lyra and her elder sister, Nola, about God being everywhere and in all things. Nola didn’t understand a couple of words, and so Charlotte encouraged her to look them up in the dictionary. When she had finished talking to them, Nola put the dictionary down quite heavily on the table, to which Lyra immediately said, “Nola! I think you just put that on God’s head!”
The other day, Charlotte was shopping in the supermarket with Nola and Lyra, and, just as they reached the section with the sanitary towels, Lyra announced in the loudest voice possible, “They’re for ladies to put on their botty bots!”
Later the same day in Starbucks, as Charlotte was paying for their drinks, Lyra looked at a man adding some milk to his coffee and asked, “Mummy, do you still have milk in your boobies?”
I was given an education in the names for various parts of the body by Lyra. I had no idea that I had foot thumbs (big toes), under pits (arm pits) and that my bra was not a bra, but a boobie holder.
At the beach, I was the “worstest auntie in the world” after I cruelly made Lyra throw away her telescope that she’d just found. It was a tampon applicator!
Lyra once asked me which colour I liked best on her toy panda. When I replied “Black” she looked extremely offended and asked, “Why don’t you like white?”
So, to the girl who likes to spin in circles on her butt on shiny floors, who wears a baseball cap to bed, who dresses up as a witch to cook, who doesn’t walk anywhere, but hops or jumps or runs instead, who loves mud as much as she loves glitter, and who will often lie in bed singing with an empty PEZ, a rubber penguin and a donkey, to that girl called Lyra I say this: Don’t you dare conform! Don’t ever change and don’t let anyone ever try and change you. Shine on, you crazy diamond! Shine so brightly that you help others find their way out of the dark.